i just realized why none of my relationships ever seem to work out.
there's this book that i'm reading for my marriage prep class (don't ask me why i'm taking a marriage prep class when there are no prospects on the immediate horizon) called "how to avoid falling in love with a jerk" by john van epp. instead of doing a book review or summarizing the chapter i'm just gonna share this little nugget of wisdom:
basically, when you're dating someone you're supposed to move left to right on this graph. start at zero for all of them and begin getting to know someone. as you move up a level knowing them you can move up a level trusting them, so on and so forth. pretty big deal for me because i seem to always go at it from the other direction. i always jump right from knowing to some heavy commitment and touch follows suit. pretty soon commitment is through the roof with touch floating just above knowing which usually is hanging somewhere in the middle by the time i decide to call it quits.
so yeah, my homework just made me realize that i'm the jerk that doesn't know how to date. it also made me realize where i've been totally innocent and someone else abused this scale and broke my heart. like a jerk.
this was not a very eloquently worded post, but forgive me because i just found out that i'm a jerk and i'm still coming to terms with it.
